Healing from Trauma
We honored to share this guest blog post by the lovely Renee Scheer on the trauma and healing. Renee is a recent graduate of our Certified Sacred Women's Circle Creatrix Training. Please comment below and let us know your thoughts!
Dear goddess, I have a special message for you. You really can heal your life.
It pains me to say that every woman I have crossed paths with in my life has experienced some form of trauma; trauma from physical or emotional abuse, trauma from childhood, trauma from the loss of a loved one or a horrible accident, trauma from child birth or numerous other challenges that life throws at us. I myself have experienced trauma and great challenges on my life path more than once. What I want to share with you is something I came to realize as I healed (and continue to heal) my own life. That is, there is one very important component in truly allowing yourself to heal. It’s called self-forgiveness.
I was raised in a religious environment with all the teachings of confessing your sins so you may be forgiven, and to forgive others for “they know not what they do”. And while I am no longer practicing the religious beliefs that I was raised to, I still have a forgiving nature within me. I have forgiven many of those who have hurt me emotionally or physically.
But for years there was still this underlying pain, this challenge to let go. At times it became haunting affecting my energy, my motivation, my passion and my well being in general. I would lose focus and my creativity would become stagnant. I would go through life on this up and down spiral and sometimes wondered “What’s wrong with me”. I could feel in my gut a sense of something being off and at times my mood would change in an instant based on things happening around me. I felt unsettled and confused and sometimes even numb. I had done so much work on myself and yet I couldn’t understand why some things still were the way they were.
So one day while I was training with a mentor for a special project, we had a long conversation about where my fractures and traumas started. She had me look back as far I could remember to identify the potential trigger. Once I identified that, I had to do some homework before we could move on to the next phase of my training. She tasked me with something that made feel very anxious and resistant, not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I was afraid of what might come up. I was afraid of facing my truth and I was afraid of breaking down.
I mustered up the courage a couple days later and sat down to have a conversation with all the aspects of myself; myself as a young girl, myself as a teen, myself as an adult. I sat down on the floor with my dog as he listened to all I had to say. I spoke of how I felt during all the traumas I have experienced, how I felt inside, how I felt about any parties involved, how it affected my life, mistakes I made, and anything else that wanted to be expressed. At first I thought to myself that I wouldn’t have much to say, but once I started I noticed that one trauma, one memory, led to another and another and the words just flowed with ease. I didn’t stop to think about anything or about what I might say. I just trusted that part of myself to release. And during this conversation with myself, something came to me that I never realized until that very moment.
Of all the people I had forgiven in my life, I HAD NEVER FORGIVEN MYSELF.
I had never forgiven myself for the ways I felt about all that happened, for not realizing these things weren’t my fault, for not knowing it was ok to go through life the only way I knew how at the time. I didn’t forgive myself for beating myself up about this or that. I didn’t forgive myself for mistakes I made or for all the bad choices. I didn’t forgive my inner child for not knowing what to do. I didn’t forgive myself for feeling selfish and angry about losing one of the most important people in my adult life. And so much more.
As I came to this realization and spoke the words out loud, I started a whole new conversation with myself while my dog patiently listened. I spoke about how these experiences in my life don’t define me, how they are things that happened TO me. I gave myself permission to rise myself up with words that felt true to who I am as a person, as a woman. I chose not to downplay my best qualities and most importantly I forgave myself for all those things that were hiding, bottled up below the surface just waiting for me to let go of. The words came and the weight lifted. A lightness came over me, with a smirk on my face and peacefulness within.
And so here I am to share with you dear goddesses that Self-Forgiveness, however you choose to flow with it, is crucial to your healing process. Without it you may have repressed emotions like shame, fear, anger or resentment or you may feel sad, fatigued, lonely or have feelings of unworthiness. All of those feelings don’t serve your higher purpose. They don’t ignite the true gift you are to this world.
Each of us is unique with different needs. We all heal in our own divine timing and there is no right or wrong, good or bad in the healing process. But there are actions you can take to help you along your healing path. Here are just a few tips that have helped me on my healing journey.
Remember that you are a soul having a human experience: We all have a soul and our spirit guides us on our path. We chose to come here in human form to experience all there is, the good and the not so good. Every experience we have teaches us something about ourselves and how we choose to move forward.
Acknowledge your emotions: Simply put, notice how you are feeling throughout the day, or how a particular experience made you feel. Acknowledge it by saying “I see you, I hear you”. Don’t ignore them. Don’t judge them. Let them be what they are. If you’re sad, frustrated, angry, say “I am [fill in the blank] right now and that’s ok.”.
Understand that emotions come and go: Emotions are just that, a feeling in you that came to visit and say “here I am” and when it’s ready will move along. It’s best not to make important decisions when emotions are high but it is important to acknowledge them so you can later understand why it arose.
Quiet time: This is a time for you to find space to be still without background noise or interruptions. It’s a time to meditate, to be with your thoughts, to write, or just be. This is when your intuition, your inner knowing will send you messages. Lean into your heart center and listen. What is she telling you? What do you need to let go of? Do you need to show forgiveness to yourself? All of the answers are right there where you need them.
Have a conversation with yourself: Look at yourself in the mirror and say what’s on your mind out loud. Talk to your pet about your deepest darkest secrets. Ask yourself questions. There is no one around to judge you. It’s just you expressing out loud anything that wants to be revealed. When you do the practice of talking out loud, the universe, the angels, the spirits are all listening. It activates movement without all the other chitter chatter going on in your body and it feels really good. Plus, no one understands you better than you.
Continue to trust and believe in yourself: If you’re feeling stuck or feeling blue think about all things you created in your life even when you weren’t at your best. I bet you have many! Pat yourself on the back for those times you pulled through some tough challenges. Show yourself some love and gratitude for the amazing human that you are. Look into your own eyes in the mirror without looking away and say “I love you and I forgive you. I believe in you and I trust you.”
Dear goddess, you are a magnificent human with incredible power to create a joyful, fulfilling life. Embrace every particle of who you are and know that you are never alone.