It is not usual to gather at a women's circle or Sacred Goddess Retreat and hear women share painful stories and experiences regarding their mothers.
It seems that most women have had negative experiences with their mothers and for many of us, healing these wounds takes years.
In my own personal healing journey, healing the relationship with my mother was vital. While it was something that I resisted for much of my life, I found grace, compassion and peace when I finally chose to heal this wound between my mother and I.
It seemed that the more work I did personally, the more conflict arouse in the relationship between my mom and I.
The more I led Goddess Retreats and sacred circles, the more I felt this mother wound ache within me. Ultimately, I realized that I could not guide women towards freedom if I had not healed my own relationship with my mother. It was only then that I was finally ready to do the work.
Here's how I healed the mother wound in my own life ~
Step 1: I opened up communication with my mother. I remember a hike I went on with my mom as we began to heal our relationship and during this 3 hour hike, we shared some hard conversations. We talked about what had happened between us and we talked about things that had happened in the past. It was a really hard conversation but by the end of the hike, we had cleared away two decades worth of resentment and pain. By simply opening up a safe container for each of us to share, we finally had the space we needed to have real conversations.
Step 2: I found grace where there was once separation. For most of my life, I thought that my mother simply didn't understand me. I had a story built up in my mind that she and I were just different and that we'd never see eye to eye. The day I finally chose to see my mom as another human being was the day things really shifted for me.
No longer was I viewing her as critically and instead, I found grace in her. I saw her as another woman with strengths and weaknesses and I let go of my need to control how she showed up for me. The moment I accepted my mother for who she is, I softened.
Step 3: I found compassion. With this new appreciation and recognition of my mother, I was finally ready to offer compassion. When I found myself later in situations with her that were triggering, I searched for compassion. When I felt like she wasn't listening to me, I saw that she probably didn't feel heard either. When I felt that she wasn't making time for me, I realized that she was trying to offer love in other ways.
I found compassion when I got out of my own way and chose to see my mom for who she is: a human being.
If you choose to heal the relationship between you and your mother, be gentle. Know that it takes time. Honor that these things cannot be restricted by time. Healing the relationship with my mother took years, but I can now say that we have the best relationship we've ever had. And for that, I am grateful.
~Cassandra Wilder
GoddessCeremony.com