How to Cut Cords With People and Things That Do Not Serve You
The subject of energy cords between people has become more widespread, and there are more workshops/courses/books/healers out there than ever specializing in helping people cut energy cords between themselves and others. Cutting cords is about clearing out old attachments that no longer serve you, especially since unhealthy cords can be extremely depleting. If you have a toxic, harmful or non-productive dynamic with someone and you still feel pulled to them even if they’re not actively in your life, cutting cords can give you the space you need to healthily move forward. However, there are some catches:
Here are 4 important things to know about cutting cords~
1. You can’t cut energy cords from a space of “fuck you.”
I am a big believer that anger is not a “negative emotion,” an impurity, or something to be ashamed of or strive to eliminate from one’s emotional repertoire. I don’t believe anger is necessarily sadness or fear in disguise (though it can be); anger can just be anger, and that’s okay. Anger is just an emotion and an inextricable part of the human condition, and it can play a positive role such as inspiring change or boundary-setting. That being said, you can’t cut energy cords from a space of active resentment, because that is a strong energy cord in and of itself. In order to cut cords, you have to first process your anger towards someone and get to a place where that which was rumination is released.
Important note: this doesn’t mean you have to put on rose-colored glasses and fail to recognize the toxicity in the person or dynamic you’re trying to release. If that person was abusive, you don’t have to pretend they weren’t. You can (and should!) keep the gift of perspective the Universe has given you which allows you to recognize the situation for what it is. In fact, putting on those rose-colored glasses and obfuscating the problematic aspects of the person/dynamic keeps you from setting the boundaries that will allow you to cut cords with them. I recommend the following steps in preparation for cord-cutting:
-With full, no-nonsense clarity, recognize the dynamics of or with this person that are motivating you to cut cords with them
-Sit with and process whatever emotions you currently have around this person, so that any active rumination can be released
-Prepare to move forward with your life
2. You can’t cut energy cords from a space of fear of getting hurt, or aversion to vulnerability, or trying to avoid your feelings.
The idea of cutting energy cords with someone can sound very appealing if you’re afraid of getting hurt by someone or uncomfortable with feeling so vulnerable towards them. The thought of cutting cords with someone can sound like a nice escape from the tumultuous world of feelings. If this is your motivation from seeking to energetically release from someone, the Universe usually won’t let you. It’s one thing if you’re afraid this person will hurt you because they’re showing harmful patterns in their behavior, but if you’re afraid just because you’re feeling vulnerable, the Universe is likely to push you further into that vulnerability.
Cord-cutting isn’t to be used as a means of running away. In the end, the Universe will often hold you in places of vulnerability in order to push you to face the parts of yourself you don’t want to acknowledge. In this case, the only way through it is to lean into it; sit with your vulnerability and examine it. Does it come from a fear of rejection, aka a fear that you’re not enough and someone else might see and confirm that? By consciously sitting with our vulnerability rather than trying to escape our feelings, we can end up much more grounded in ourselves. It’s from that space of grounding and peace that cord-cutting can take place, if that’s what truly needs to happen.
3. Sometimes you won’t be able to cut energy cords with a certain person because you are in the midst of playing out a particular soul contract with them. In other words, the Divine steps in and says “no” or at least “not yet.”
There was once a person in my life with whom I had a very toxic, draining dynamic that stretched over the space of many years. I recognized the toxicity in this relationship and made it my intention to cut cords with this person, from a space of love and a will to move forward. For years, I prayed and meditated and begged the Universe to allow me to cut these cords. After some rituals I’d thought I’d succeeded, but each time, it would become very clear that the cords were still intact as ever. In reality, what was happening was that there was a soul contract at play between myself and this person. We each had an important job to do in each other’s lives, although neither of us knew or understood it consciously. Once that soul contract finally played out, I intuitively knew that it was finally time to cut my cords with them, and was able to do so effortlessly and permanently.
4. If you do not maintain your own energetic boundaries, you can have energy cords re-form after you’ve cut them.
It’s often the case that once you cut cords with someone (no matter how successfully), you have to be very intentional about whether or not you allow those cords to re-form as you move forward. Whether this means keeping a certain amount of distance between you and this person, or being aware of the type and amount of energy you’re sending out to them, you’ll need to be mindful to maintain the appropriate boundaries so as not to sabotage your own work. Sometimes it’s positive and purposeful to have certain energy cords re-form, but if not, you may end up having to cut them all over again. Make sure you’re only allowing cords to re-form if it’s healthy to do so, i.e. only if whatever harmful dynamics that made it necessary to cut those cords in the first place are no longer at play, and not likely to re-emerge.
5. Trust your Intuition.
If you know that someone is toxic for you, don't be afraid to boldly stand up for yourself and your boundaries.
As you begin to cut cords, be aware of these four tools. Comment below if you have a specific experience you'd like to share about cord cutting!