As we all know, relationships are hard work - especially romantic relationships. I would bet that we have all witnessed hardships in our relationships and ultimately realized that they root from ourselves.
Now before we dive into relationships and the idea of healing our own subconscious patterns, I want to offer something really important to you - Know that relationships provide us with a powerful opportunity to notice our patterns and identify the things we have been taught and never consciously agreed to.
Choosing to consciously heal patterns within is a huge step and one that means you are ready and hungry for change. It means you are ready to begin to live empowered and in control of your own life, and that is powerful!
I also want to add that throughout our lives, we have all done our best to be as conscious and aware as possible. If you reflect on a past relationship and feel like you could've done better or been kinder or -insert guilt here-, please let that go. You have done the best with the tools you have been given. Know that guilt does not belong here and instead, allow yourself to feel empowered as you begin this new path. Everything has aligned for a reason, trust it and allow it to become your teacher.
For those of us who feel we want to enter relationships in a more conscious, loving and connected way, we often choose to search for the right partner. And while this is beautiful, we sometimes forget to reflect on our past relationships and how we responded in different circumstances.
I will be the first to say that throughout my life I have dated many men who have displayed the following attributes: emotionally detached, intolerant, unmotivated and who lacked commitment. And so for a long time, I blamed these partners and felt disappointed that I continued to attract men like this. It wasn't until these patterns continued for years that I finally was ready to look within and ask that deep question... WHY? Why was I constantly attracting these types of men?
It was only after I fully looked within at my own patterns and behaviors that I realized that the root of some of these imbalances were none other than my own.
Now, of course everyone has imbalances and no one is conscious all the time but the powerful thing about realizing some of these things root from within is we then have the power to change them.
I began to realize that I depended on my partner entirely for happiness and thus he would detach. I had a fragment of anger that habitually sat beneath the surface, ready to leap out at any moment and thus the intolerance manifested. And because I had dragged these patterns into nearly every relationship in my life, I was ready to change it.
Anytime we witness a pattern in our lives, it may be an indicator that it is something within that we can lovingly shift.
Here are 4 books that have drastically reshaped my understanding of relationships and aided me in my journey in becoming an empowered woman who is connected to self and who honors her partners.
1. The Honeymoon Effect - Bruce Lipton
This quick read is a fantastic book that teaches how to maintain the "honeymoon effect" throughout a relationship and how to consciously be within a relationship. Dr. Lipton weaves in a lot of information about subconscious programming and biology and how these effect us in relationships.
2. Keys to the Kingdom - Allison Armstrong
This book is ideal for women wanting to understand how to support men in their journeys and what men need in a relationship. Allison has a variety of fantastic books all sharing powerful wisdom about relationships.
3. The Wisdom of the Enneagram - Don Richard Riso
While not just a relationship book, the Wisdom of the Enneagram is a powerful book that allows to understand ourselves better and then, the people around us.
4. You Can Heal your Life - Louise Hay
This is a must have book for anyone on this journey! This is a powerful book with guided practices and affirmations to help you re-pattern your thoughts and brain processes.
Know that we are fluid beings, always changing and shifting and that is just part of this human experience. You are perfect the way you are always. Trust and honor that!