My Cross Country Road Trip to Becoming a Creatrix
We are so excited for what 2020 holds for the Sacred Women's Circle Creatrix Training! Be sure to subscribe to GoddessCeremony to stay up to date with announcements and all of our amazing opportunities that await!
One thousand-seven hundred miles. Six states. Two sisters. One golden retriever. One 2006 Subaru Forester.
After eight weeks of studying, diving deeper and truly conceptualizing the reality of leading women’s circles, the time had come to make the physical journey out west to gather with women from around the globe to solidify this journey.
Over the eight weeks of content, we learned what intentions to place behind our circles, how to align gatherings with the magic of the Moon, what sacred tools to utilize while holding space, as well as how to allow ourselves the permission to know that we hold the sacred wisdom to lead women in our unique communities.
I was first introduced to the Creatix training while at a GoddessCeremony retreat in the forest of Luther, Michigan. Cassandra mentioned it on our last day together, and a very specific energy ignited within my core. I went up to Cassandra and said, “I am going to do this training.” This was in May. After an intense summer of studying the art of feminine embodiment and diving even further in to my self and my shadows, I was hungry to begin to allow myself the ability to hold space for other women to have the opportunity to do the same. It was not until July 26 that I made the commitment of embarking on becoming a Scared Women’s Circle Creatrix. And it was one of the greatest forms of permission I have ever granted myself.
By investing in this training, I was granting myself the permission to be a leader.
By investing in this knowledge, I was granting myself the permission to connect with the women who have come before me.
By investing in this space, I was granting myself the permission to build community with women I was meant to learn from.
By investing in this opportunity, I was granting myself the permission to live within my purpose.
On the afternoon of October 1, my sister Maeden, her dog Maeve and I set out west. I was on my way to gather with ten other creatrix goddesses under the Utah sky and revel in the magic we were bound to create together.
As my sister and I traveled nearly two thousand miles to what felt like the other side of the world, we fell in awe of the ways in which the planet around us shape shifted. We embarked on our journey within the pines of Michigan, and stumbled upon the fields of Nebraska, the high peaks of Colorado, and then the red sand of Utah. We camped along the Colorado River and picked wild flowers within the mountains. This trip and journey was far larger than us, and we felt that within so many small moments. After three days of traveling, sleeping in our car, and embracing the cool desert night air, we finally reached the retreat center within the middle of the desert. My sister was headed further west while I gathered with the other wild women, all traveling from their own places on the planet.
Over the next three days, we shed. We indulged. We released. We reclaimed. We embraced. We welcome. We received. We shed pieces of ourselves that were no longer serving us. We indulged in intentionally and magically made nourishment that allowed our bodies to feel taken care of. We released illusions of doubt of our ability to lead women. We embraced one another in our totality. We received love from each other, and from ourselves.
I tell women, there is truly no comparable magic to what is created when women gather together. Connection, within all of its forms, is created. During our time together, I witnessed women from vastly different walks of life come together, and provide space for one another to be heard, seen and witnessed for all of the wonder they are. I watched as women realized their own magic, and allowed for doubt to stop clouding their vision. I listened to the paths that women have traveled on to be where they were, and fell in awe of what has brought them to wanting to serve women in such an impactful and meaningful way. I heard women reclaim their voice, their truth, their needs and wants, and find space for it all to be heard. I shed tears of joy, of grief, of disbelief, of release. We all laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. We all danced wildly under the illuminated light of the moon, and howled echoes of gratitude for all of the ways in which she innately guides us. We created true, absolute magic. We all knew we were exactly where we were meant to be. I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be.
On our last day, we embraced one another, and celebrated each one of our unique and matchless magic. We said goodbye to our wild desert nights howling at the moon, but welcomed in the beginning of our role as Certified Sacred Women’s Circle Creatrixes.
I held my first women’s circle on November 1st, in alignment with the celebration of Samhain. It felt so aligned because it was two days before I turned twenty-five, and it felt like an initiation in to a new part of my purpose that I had found so much of myself within. I gathered with eight other women, all of which I knew I loved, and we indulged in a fire ceremony of burning all that we wished to release. Towards the end of our time together, I planned on having an ecstatic dance ceremony to celebrate this sacred holiday and to celebrate the release of what no longer was serving us. However, to all of our despair, the radio system in the venue I was utilizing stopped working right as we were about to begin the dance. We closed the circle instead, and I thanked each woman for coming. However, I left that evening feeling incredibly exhausted, incredibly doubtful of my abilities as a facilitator, and really deflated. I had expected so much of myself. Too much, to be honest, and left feeling disappointed with myself that I had not created a good enough container for these women to feel held and heard within.
For the next couple of weeks, when any one would ask me how the circle went, I would respond with, “it went okay.” I held a lot of disappointment with myself. I did truly have imposter syndrome, but it did not come until after my first circle. Who was I to lead women? What wisdom did I hold that they could learn from? Who was I to think I held valuable abilities? Who was I to think I could do this?
But you know what?
Who was I to think that I couldn’t do this?
After sulking and feeling defeated for a month, I gathered in a virtual New Moon circle with women that I have grown and expanded with, and told them of the doubt I had been feeling. With supporting and validating words, the women told me that it is not my responsibility to ensure I create a life altering space. It is not my responsibility for how other people show up. The only responsibility I have is to hold the space, and the people within it, wherever they are. To hear this validation and to know that I was not alone in this feeling set a very specific part of me free.
So, the next day, I set a date for my next circle.
Friday, December 13th. The day after the last full moon of the year, and of the decade.
Me, and nine other women gathered in the same space I had held my first circle within. I talked of all the magic that this energy held, and we did a mediation that allowed the women to connect to their bodies, and find spaces of pain that needed healing. We sat in circle and talked about what we wanted to release in preparation for 2020. We each stated what we wanted to release. I was witnessed as I stated that I release the doubt of my ability to hold space for women. True magic and connection were created that night. I felt truly reinvigorated, and grateful for the space that those women created within the container I held for them.
To have done the Sacred Women’s Circle Creatrix training allowed me the ability to see my own light, and to understand its limitlessness. You do not need to hold a certain set of credentials in order to lead women. By just being a woman in this world, your experience, your story, your wisdom and your insight are all that you need in order to hold space for other women, and to allow them to feel empowered, heard, and seen. It is uncomfortable, it is challenging, it can bring about doubt and uncertainty. But aren’t these the moments when we grow most?
I challenge you to take a leap of faith, for yourself.
Grant yourself the permission to do what you were sent here to do.
With all of the love and light,