How I Connected to my Womb Space and Healed Old Wounds
We honored to share this guest blog post by the lovely Renee Scheer on the womb space, menstruation and healing. Renee is a recent graduate of our Certified Sacred Women's Circle Creatrix Training. Please comment below and let us know your thoughts!
If you’re lucky, you were raised by a mother or mother figure who taught you everything there was to know about becoming a woman and the importance of being a woman in this world. Sadly, so many of us didn’t have this kind of upbringing. I believe I have only ever met one woman in my life who did.
I want to share a personal story that has taken me from hating being a woman to loving who I am today.
I was in sixth grade and 11 years old. I was one of the first girls in my class to start showing breasts and remember the girls eyeballing me and giggling while we were changing for gym class. It didn’t bother me too much because I was used to that kind of behavior in school. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night in my full size bed that I shared with my baby sister. I thought I had wet the bed. When I got up in the dark to go to the bathroom, there it was, bright red blood everywhere! My sheets were soaked in it. I was soaked in it. I remember thinking to myself, “oh my god I got my period”. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I knew what it was and that I needed some protection but my mom and I had never had a conversation about it. In fact, she never once talked to me about it or what to expect. I just knew intuitively and from watching.
We lived in this old creeky house and all the kids’ bedrooms were upstairs and our parents slept downstairs with their own bathroom. This meant I had to find a way to sneak downstairs to try and steal one of my mom’s maxi pads. Yes, steal. Here’s the thing without boring you with my life story, I was very afraid of my mother and of my stepfather. It wasn’t a very loving home. So naturally when I became a “woman”, I was terrified of telling her. I was terrified of waking her. I crept downstairs as quietly as I could and I stood in the hallway peering into their bedroom with the door open while they slept. I stood there for what seemed like a lifetime. I couldn’t think of anything other than “if I wake mom she is going to yell at me!”. I must have stood there for about 15 minutes. I tried creeping a little closer to the bathroom and the closer I got my heart just raced even more. It was like a horror movie. Eventually I became so overwhelmed with fear that I turned around and went back upstairs. I decided to use toilet paper as my pad. In the morning when we woke, my 6 year old sister looked at me and said, “what is that?” and I of course blew it off like it was nothing.
The next day, I kept going to the school bathroom to change out my toilet paper because I didn’t know what else to do. I found the courage to tell a girl at school and she just kept telling me to tell my mom. But she didn’t understand how deep my fear ran. Fast forward a bit and I realized my mom must have seen my sheets! The sad part is, she never said a word. And neither did I.
I believe that for the many years ahead I hated being a woman because I didn’t really know how. Between the lack of education from all of my mother figures and the sexual trauma I experienced from age 5 to my teen years, how could I possibly enjoy it? I use to think men had it easy. Why couldn’t I be a man?
I share this because I believe it is so common among the last several generations of women that we were taught to be quiet, that you don’t talk about those kinds of things, or our own mothers and their mothers were never taught how to embrace being a woman. Whatever the reason, one day I finally realized that it was time I look at myself, look at my life and contemplate making some changes. I did all I knew how at the time and even went to therapy. But something was still not right. I still didn’t feel connected to my womb and I still hated having a period. I also decided I never wanted to have kids. I avoided anything having to do with the yoni as much as possible, except for having sex. That seemed the only way I could feel like a woman and express love.
It wasn’t until I decided to make 2 very important shifts in my life that I started to embrace the woman I am. The first thing I did was move from my home in IL to WI. I moved from a place that I felt I didn’t belong. I took a risk and started over completely. Making a big move is serious business and it’s not for everyone. But let me tell you some of what prompted it.
I was living from a place of lack. And not necessarily lack of money or material things, but lack of friendship, lack of love, lack of companionship and true connection. The few girlfriends I had weren’t true friends and to the female coworkers who I thought could be friends, I was nothing but competition. And the men I dated were interested in nothing more than a warm body.
The second shift I made was to open myself to receiving the love and companionship and sisterhood that I so desired. It took some time but eventually I built some of the most cherished relationships of my life. I built a sisterhood of friends who understood me, who didn’t judge me, who loved me just as I was, who were supportive and compassionate and made me feel treasured. I even obtained a very good job where my boss became my best friend.
Through all of that change I became brave enough to do the deep work I needed on myself, to own my truths about being a woman. It led me to several spiritual retreats and art retreats that allowed me to express all that I needed and ask questions of myself to let the healing begin. Through intuitive painting I was able to bring out vivid pictures of all the hate and guilt that filled my being from my past, which opened the door to a whole new way of looking at art. And through sacred women’s circles I was able to feel heard and realized I wasn’t alone. I started to understand what being a woman was all about through shared stories and the sisterly bonds I became a part of.
Most importantly, I learned that being a woman is not a curse. I learned through sacred sisterhood and self-compassion to love being a woman and even love my body, including embracing my moon cycles as the cleanse my body needs.
So what I am here to tell you is, with curiosity, an open mind, sacred community and deep listening, we can all reconnect to our womb space with love and compassion. Being a woman is a blessing.
I have since become a certified coach, a teacher of intuitive painting, and have become a Certified Women’s Circle Creatrix, all which continue to enhance my relationship to myself and to other women who desire to connect to their own power.
All of this triggered another long distance move to the south where I have always dreamed of living, proof that when you connect to your inner wisdom and honor your sacred feminine, you can live a truly happy life.
You are seen and you are loved Sister.
About the Author~
Renee Scheer is an Artist, a Muse and a Certified Sacred Women’s Circle Creatrix. She is passionate about creativity and artistic expression and is a believer in magic. You can learn more about Renee at her website here: www.reneescheer.com