Finding Yourself Again After a Breakup
Most of us have found ourselves in the midst of a breakup and touched the pain that can only come from the loss of a person we loved deeply. Healing after a breakup is a very individualized process. Some of us will feel good after a few short weeks and others of us will need months of mourning before we can fully process the transition.
How ever your healing journey is unfolding, here are some more suggestions to help your healing transition flow smoothly and gently.
1. Change things up
Buy yourself new bedsheets and throw out the old ones. Donate the things around your home that remind you of them or perhaps were gifted by them and add new things to your space that reflect a time of growth, healing and change. Try a new cafe instead of the one you always went to together. Begin to create new routines that reflect who you are and your unique healing journey and let go of the old patterns you had with your partner.
2. Allow for space
The vast majority of the time, taking space immediately after a break up is wise. Taking space from talking regularly or seeing them generally helps the healing process. Perhaps a few weeks is all you need or maybe you feel a few months or even a year is what you truly need. Release any guilt in not talking to them and firmly communicate that you will be taking space. It is not selfish to set this boundary and rather a necessity for most of us.
3. Love yourself
Buy yourself flowers once a week just because. Take a hot bath before bed after a stressful day and let go of any guilt or to-do lists. Say no to social events when you need a quiet moment alone at home. Eat foods that nourish you and make you feel good. Get a hair cut or receive a massage. Take this as a beautiful opportunity to date yourself and offer yourself the love you deserve.
4. Redirect your conversations
It's inevitable that for a few months you'll be asked what happened, if you're still with your partner, etc. It is normal to talk about what happened as this is often helpful in the healing process. You may find though that after a few months, you are ready to redirect your conversations and find empowerment in talking about things other than your ex. Rather than talking about how you and your partner used to do something, share about the hobby that you used to enjoy. When we are able to have a conversation without bringing them up, it's a good sign we are on the healing path.
5. Trust that things are as they are meant to be
If you're thinking about all of the things you wish you did (or didn't do), tune into trust. Trust that all happened the way it was meant to and that you did the best you could at the time. If there are some things you want to shift in yourself before your next relationship, that is different. If you are replaying your last relationship over and over in your mind only to feel guilt or remorse, it's time to let it go.
As you heal, remember that there is no "shoulds" during this process. You do not need to heal within a certain amount of time and your healing process does not need to look like anyone else's. Trust. Let go. Surrender.
All is well.