I Healed Myself and Therefore Healed My Relationships
While i’ve been on a healing journey for over a decade now, I continue to be amazed by what happens when we take the time to heal ourselves and our stories. If you are looking to heal relationships in your life with your partner, parents, friends or siblings, this post will be helpful for you!
For the majority of my life, I identified as a victim of my circumstances. I felt alone in the world and believed that nobody understood me or cared about me. I was very reactive and would prickle at the slightest hint of criticism. This was how I lived through my childhood and adolescence.
With this deeply reactive personality and desire to be the victim and receive sympathy, I believed that everyone was out to get me and everyone but myself had issues. I truly believed that I was a good person and didn’t deserve to have so many relationships that were often in turmoil and full of drama.
Of course reflecting back now, I can see how I contributed massively to the poor relationships I had, and I have a lot of compassion for the younger version of me who was obviously very hurt, lost and afraid.
It wouldn’t be until a relationship ended in a police report at the age of 19 that I would finally be pushed to my rock bottom and have to make the decision to change myself and heal. That experience granted me the perspective I needed to begin the long journey of healing, and I am so, so grateful.
Over the years I have brought awareness to myself and the aspects of myself that do not serve me. I have chosen to let go of the need to be reactive and instead find grace and patience. I have let go of the desire to hold lifelong grudges and instead choose to forgive. I have released the pattern and story of being alone and unloveable and instead have cultivated a deep sense of self love and appreciation.
One thing that has been incredibly surprising and beautiful to watch has been my relationships shift as I have changed.
In general many of my friends, family members and colleagues have remained the same people and yet because I have healed myself and my old reactive ways, our relationships have transformed.
One of the best relationship books i’ve ever read is It Takes One to Tango and essentially this book is about how by healing ourselves, we can transform our entire relationship. I continue to watch this mindset reflect truth over and over again.
If you have challenging relationships with your parents, siblings or friends, be open to healing the relationship by healing yourself.
As the great teacher Wayne Dyer taught, the people that challenge us the most are often our greatest teachers. By healing myself and letting go of old stories and beliefs that do not serve me, i’ve watched my relationship with my parents and siblings especially completely change. And these relationships have changed not because I had an expectation for them to change or do anything. Instead, they changed because I chose to show up differently for them.
If you are struggling with people in our life, see what happens when you show up differently. When they say something that would normally trigger you, breathe through it and see what happens when you approach the situation with grace. Likely they’ll be surprised and you too will be surprised by how they respond with more compassion.
When we move through life choosing to heal ourselves rather than place expectations on others to heal or change, magic happens. Trust in the healing process and you’ll find yourself at a new place with many of the relationships in your life.