- Cassandra Wilder
l e t t i n g g o
I received news recently that a man I had dated years ago took his life. As I sat quietly, he was on the other side of the country, deciding how he was going to end this existence.
Immediately I was brought to sadness, grief, fear, sorrow. I thought of how alone he must have felt, how forgotten, how unloved. I saw his big smile pour over his face and heard his loud laugh.
But now he's gone.
Grief and death are two of the most difficult things for humans to understand and accept. There is so much unknown about where someone goes and what it looks like that many of us develop a fear around the whole thing. Death is scary. Death is bad.
But are those really true? Or have we just been taught that it's bad?
I have been navigating these many emotions flowing through me and really beginning to uncover what it all means.
Death is not the end.
Our souls are infinite and incredibly wise. Our human body is merely our vehicle. Death does not kill the soul. Like all things, death is a key part of the cycle. There is life, and there is death. I find peace in knowing his soul is freed of his human attachments and he is now able to enjoy universal love.
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
Grieving should be expressive.
Our Western cultures often view grief as necessary, for a little while. Most of the funerals i've ever been to are full of people trying not to cry. We are trying not to lose it, we are trying to remain composure. Why? I think we need to lose it. I think we need to sob and wail and scream. Go to a funeral among another culture and you'll see them on the floor moaning and crying and shrieking. This is how our body processes grief, through sound and expression! Why were we taught to lightly dab our eyes with a tissue? People who do not grieve fully never get over the grief. They feel the grief and heaviness for the rest of their life. People who allow themselves to really grieve can then surrender to the truth.
Love should be the answer.
Death, while sad and incredibly difficult, I feel should also be a celebration. A celebration of life and the cyclical nature of all things. We should love and appreciate all the moments we had with this person. After the death of my friend, I was surprised to hear someone say that he was angry that our friend had ended his life. And that really propelled me to realize - We do not know or understand someone's journey completely. We are only outsiders looking in. It is unnecessary to project feelings of anger, resentment or disappointment. Instead, we should be remembering to feel love. Love to who we have lost, love to their family and friends and love to ourselves. Resentment robs us of love.
May you feel guidance and peace through all of the hard situations you face in life. There is love all around us. And so it is.